


Obligatory Beach Date Episode

by thisislegit



Series: Lupin is Nonbinary [2]
Category: Lupin III
Genre: Comedy, Day At The Beach, Dirty Talk, Disguise, Genderfluid Character, Other, horny bastards, lupin has a filthy mouth, this poor officer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisislegit/pseuds/thisislegit
Summary: Jigen was putting the fifth umbrella up where Lupin had marked in the sand. “Why the hell do we have so many of these things when you’re trying to get a tan?”“It’s for privacy.”“We’re on a private beach.”“Jigen, Jigen, Jigen.” Lupin rolled out the last of the beach blankets over the tarp. “There’s still some people lounging around here and there. Besides, you know this isn’t an actual private beach. A bunch of rich guys putting up fake no trespassing signs doesn’t count.”
Relationships: Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III
Series: Lupin is Nonbinary [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853059
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87





	Obligatory Beach Date Episode

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much [temporarydysphoria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMandyfish/pseuds/TemporaryDysphoria) for the beta (/ ;-;)/ <33333 check out her lovely lupin fic and leave comments
> 
> id label this as a drabble from how choppy it is, but word count would say otherwise and i apologize for that

Zenigata handed over the binoculars to his subordinate. “You see that. That’s one of Lupin’s many disguises. In this costume, he calls himself Madame Marie. I haven’t actually seen him steal anything while wearing this, but that just means his guard is down. Do you see the man with him?”

“Yes sir.”

“That’s the man you’re impersonating. Jigen Daisuke, his long term partner in crime. The chief has informed me that you’ve been observing them for the past couple months. Is that correct?”

“Yes sir.” The man in disguise watched as Jigen carried a cooler with several closed umbrellas on top. Lupin, in his disguise, carried a couple of baskets of his own as they walked and talked along the shore of the mostly empty beach. “Their camaraderie will be an easy thing to replicate.”

“Good man.” Zenigata took the binoculars back. “When Jigen walks away, that’s when you’ll step in. Lure Lupin to the spot we agreed on, and we’ll arrest him. Got it?”

“Yes sir.” The man adjusted his hat with a smirk on his face. This was going to be a piece of cake.

* * *

Jigen was putting the fifth umbrella up where Lupin had marked in the sand. “Why the hell do we have so many of these things when you’re trying to get a tan?”

“It’s for privacy.”

“We’re on a private beach.”

“Jigen, Jigen, Jigen.” Lupin rolled out the last of the beach blankets over the tarp. “There’s still some people lounging around here and there. Besides, you know this isn’t an actual private beach. A bunch of rich guys putting up fake no trespassing signs doesn’t count.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.”

“Well…gyuhuhuhuhuhu,” Lupin giggled as he covered his blushing cheeks.

“Oh I get it.” Jigen opened one of the baskets to see a few pillows and pulled them out. “You want to do some horny shit.”

“ _Maybe_.”

“All right, all right. Let me relax for a while before we get to that, yeah?”

“Of course.” Lupin opened the cooler and frowned. “Oh shit.”

“What is it?”

“I left the sunscreen in the car. Could you go get it?”

Jigen tipped his hat back. “And why can’t you get it?”

“Because today I’m your delicate flower.” Lupin adjusted his sunhat. He batted his eyelashes at Jigen with a pout on his rosy lips to really milk the cute look. “Pretty please? I’ll let you rub me down when you get back.”

“That sounds like more work.” Jigen complained, but he was getting up anyway.

Lupin watched him go eagerly. Despite how conservative the gunman’s swimsuit was, there was no hiding the wonderful curves of that ass. He kept gushing even after Jigen was out of sight, leaving him to finish setting up their little love nest.

The tarp would help keep some of the sand from sneaking over the beach blankets. The blankets were soft and long enough to cover the tarp from end to end. Some small plastic covered pillows sat spread out for comfort and easy clean up. Their cooler was placed into a deep hole in the sand nearby. That way the ice would take longer to melt. There was a basket with towels they’d use to dry off after a swim, and the other basket which held the tarp also had some sandcastle building equipment and some swim goggles if they wanted to check out the fish below. He’d put a few other _necessary_ items in the towel basket, but they wouldn’t need them for a while.

All he needed to do was put some pillows here, a few other pillows there. Hm. That umbrella was drooping a little. He stood up to hammer it further in the sand when he heard footsteps behind him.

“L-uh, Marie. I’m back.”

“That was fast.” Lupin turned to see Jigen looking relaxed, but his hands were empty. “Where’s the sunscreen?”

“I couldn’t find it.”

Lupin twirled one of the red coils of his hair around his finger in confusion. “What? I could’ve sworn I put some on while I was in the car. Did you check under the seats?”

Jigen snorted, “Yeah, I did. If you need it so bad, you could get off your lazy ass and help me find it.”

“Jiiigeeenn.” Lupin draped his arms over Jigen’s shoulders and brought their faces close together. The wide brim of his sunhat forced the fedora off of Jigen’s head. “Don’t be a bastard today. We never get beach dates.”

“Ah.” Jigen’s face colored with a blush, his hands raised as if he weren’t sure where to put them.

That was kind of weird, but Lupin was always one to take advantage of a situation. He took one of his hands to draw a finger down Jigen’s chest and rub little circles into his chest hair. “Do you want me to tell you what I’ll do for you after you rub my back with sunscreen?”

“Hm, Marie-.”

“I know you don’t like cleaning up after I get lipstick on your dick, but I got the waterproof stuff this time.” Lupin dipped a finger into the front of Jigen’s swimsuit, pulling at the fabric and letting it snap back. “You can even cum on my face, but _not_ in my hair. Does that sound like a fair trade?”

Jigen held him at arm’s length by his shoulders. “I’ll be right back.”

“Now we’re talking.” Lupin watched him grab his hat before he ran off. Hm. Was it just him, or did Jigen’s ass look a little flat? Maybe it was the lighting. The thief went back to arranging the pillows when he heard footsteps. “Jigen?”

“Who else would it be? Here.” Jigen tossed the sunscreen by his leg. “We forgot the floaties.” A watermelon pool ring sat on his shoulders and a long flat pool bed was under his arm.

“Those things weren’t inflated.”

“I know. After I found your sunscreen, I used the electric air pump. Am I rubbing your back or what?”

Something fishy was going on.

Lupin took off his sunglasses and asked, “Jigen. What was the last thing I said to you before you left?”

“That you were my delicate flower. Why?”

“Hmmm. I need to test something. Kiss me.”

“Really?” Jigen put the squeaky floaties at the end of the blankets so they could function as footrests.

“Yes, really.” Lupin put himself into Jigen’s space and pressed their lips together earning an annoyed grunt from his partner. His tongue teased the seam of Jigen’s lips which opened easily for the intrusion. Not only was there no hesitation like from earlier, but there was also the familiar taste of pall mall as Lupin pulled away. “Yeah, you’re mine.”

“Feeling possessive.”

“You could say that. Hey, why don’t you go for a little swim using our new camera equipment on the goggles?”

Jigen took the googles and the underwater breathing apparatus Lupin shoved into his arms. “I thought I was helping you with sunscreen.”

“You are. Just use your mind and the camera to astral project yourself from the ocean.”

“Now I know you’re up to something.” Jigen put on the gear but paused to stack his fedora on top of Lupin’s sunhat. “Don’t burn.”

* * *

“What the hell are you doing back here without Lupin!” Zenigata shouted from the bushes.

“Sir,” the man saluted, “I believe Lupin and Jigen’s relationship may be more personal than I was able to observe in my studies.”

“Of course it’s personal. They’ve seen each other at their worst. It’d be obvious there were some things you can’t replicate like handshakes or inside jokes. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough to get the job done.” Zenigata pulled stuff out of his bag. Slapping a pair of swim goggles and a breathing scope on the officer, he turned him around to face the beach. He saw Jigen go for a swim, and anything out of the ordinary could tip Lupin off. “Now get in the water, get out, and GO APPREHEND LUPIN.”

“Y-yes sir.”

* * *

Lupin hummed to himself as he laid back in the shade. Jigen had been swimming for the last ten minutes, and Lupin managed to apply sunscreen to most of his body before grabbing a book. Who would show up first, the real Jigen or the doppleganger? And what was the other Jigen’s purpose? Assassination? No, that couldn’t be it. Assassins were more shameless unless they were rigidly straight, and were that the case Lupin’s flirting would’ve gotten him a gun barrel pressed into his stomach. No, the fake Jigen was nervous. A spy? A cop? He chewed over the possible answers when footsteps approached. Well, maybe he could find out.

“Marie.”

Lupin smothered his grin into something softer and said, “Jiggy! How was your swim?”

“All right, but the water’s too murky to see anything.”

“Awww, poor baby.” Lupin set his magazine aside. “Don’t worry, I know some other things we can do, starting with you helping me put on sunscreen like you promised.”

Jigen faltered for a moment, “Ah, yeah. How could I forget.”

Definitely the fake Jigen. The real Jigen would've been helping Lupin with the ties on his top. Reaching down, he undid the bow that held the wrap skirt around his hips revealing the black bikini bottom. He might as well make a show of it.

His fingers started working free the lower bow of his top as he sang, "Lalalalala~, lalalalala~, sexy, sexy~." Lupin kept his back to Jigen as he undid the upper bow behind his neck. He caught the fabric holding it to his chest as he moved to lay on his stomach. "Ready."

A cap snapped open followed by two hands moving over Lupin’s shoulders. He hissed at the cold lotion, but shifted his shoulders while “Jigen” rubbed it in. The imposter was unusually quiet, and his hands didn’t drift lower than the middle of Lupin’s back. Well, if he wasn’t going to talk Lupin was.

“Jiggy, go lower. You don’t want me to get sunburn like last time do you?”

“We wouldn’t want that with how much you complain.” Jigen’s hands went lower but barely skirmished the small of Lupin’s back.

“But if I complain too much you can punish me,” Lupin teased.

“Y-yeah. I could do that.”

“Just tie me up and throw me over your lap.”

Jigen’s hands started to shake as he rubbed more lotion into his back.

“Then you’d spank me, maybe finger me a little just to bring me to the edge only to pull your fingers back when I’m so so close.”

Jigen coughed awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“Then you could- ugh!” Lupin reached behind him to grab one of Jigen’s wrist and shove his hand lower. That did push his fingers into his bikini bottoms, but this half assed application job was annoying. “Move your hands! You've had your cock up my ass hundreds of times and all of a sudden you’re afraid to touch me? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Just thinking,” Jigen said moving his hands to rest on the small of Lupin’s back.

“About?”

“There was this coral reef closer to the pier. I could barely make it out, so we’ll have to get some scuba gear from the rental place so we can see it all. If you’re interested.”

“I’m not.”

He snorted. “Then how about we go to this ice cream shop I saw?”

“We have Häagen-Dazs in the cooler.” Lupin looked over his shoulder, “Which I wanted you to eat off of me.”

Jigen choked on his spit and took his hands back. Seems like the imposter wanted Lupin to come to the pier for some reason. This had Zenigata written all over it. Okay, that was enough playing around. Time to get rid of this guy.

Sitting up, Lupin tied his bikini top back on. “Jiggy dear, that’s enough relaxing don’t you think?”

“I-.”

He turned around and placed his hands on Jigen’s thighs, “You said after you relaxed enough we could do what I wanted to do.”

“That’s-.”

“Shhh,” Lupin pressed a finger to Jigen’s lips. “I don’t know why you wear this ridiculous swimsuit, but let’s get it off of you.” He reached around Jigen’s shoulders to start tugging at the zipper.

“I have to use the restroom!”

Lupin took his hand back, “You don’t have to jerk off into the toilet. My mouth is right here.”

“No, I gotta piss. I’ll be back. Stay here.” Jigen scrambled out of Lupin’s grasp and bolted.

“Jigen? JIGEN GET BACK HERE.” Lupin called out as he watched him run off. When he was out of sight, Lupin could hold back his laughter anymore as he fell back into the pillows hidden by the umbrellas. Oh, that was rich. He pulled his sunhat over his face as he continued to laugh so hard that his stomach started to hurt. This was all short lived when a wet hand wrapped around his ankle making him squeal.

Jigen’s easy laughter filled the space, and Lupin moved his hat aside to stare at him. And stare he did. Why did he have to grab that dumb one piece? Lupin would’ve preferred the tight, yellow striped swim shorts. Or nothing. Nothing was nice.

Dripping water, Jigen asked, “What’s with the copycat?”

“One of Pop’s goons trying to lure me out, and don’t you dare come any closer without drying off first! These blankets need to be water free.”

Jigen was truly soaked, his hair stuck to his forehead obscuring his eyes, the swim goggles dangled from his neck, and he blew out a puff of air from between his very kissable lips. “Or you just need to get wet.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Jigen grinned.

“I mean it Jigen Daisuke. This hair was not cheap.” Lupin scooted away when Jigen took another step closer. “Do not touch m-AH. PUT ME DOWN. _PUT ME DOWN_.”

Jigen had tossed Lupin over his shoulder and was heading towards the water.

“Jigen. Jigen I will dig your grave you son of a bitch you better not put me in that fucking water I swear to fuck I will END YOU.” Lupin was clawing at the back of Jigen’s swimsuit as he bounced on Jigen’s shoulder.

“Is that a promise?”

“JIGEN.”

Jigen tossed Lupin into the water, which earned him an ear piercing screech.

* * *

“Sir.”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Zenigata yelled loud enough to make the seagulls in the palm trees above them scatter.

“Sir, are you aware of the parameters of Jigen and Lupin’s relationship?”

“Of course I’m aware of the parameters of their relationship. Do you want to know what I’m also aware of? YOUR INCOMPETENCE.”

The officer flinched at the scolding, his hand remained firmly saluted by his temple. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to write in his report whether or not he succeeded, but he couldn’t handle the type of “attention” his target provided either. In the past, he flirted with a few people here and there whilst in disguise, but to continue this job and effectively get the result intended, he would have to overstep his own personal boundaries. And he didn’t get paid enough for that.

“It doesn’t help that he has all those damn umbrellas up. I can’t get a visual, and I don’t know what he’s plotting!” Zenigata had stopped mid-scold to look through his binoculars again. “We were lucky Jigen left the first two times, and you blew it by running away!”

“I apologize sir.”

“I DON’T WANT APOLOGIES. I WANT RESULTS.” Zenigata pulled out his radio and dialed a few numbers. “You get one more shot at this. We’ll lure Jigen away with a distraction, and that’s when you get Lupin. I don’t care if you have to knock him out, just grab him and head to the meet point. Got it!”

“Yes sir.” He was _so_ going to retire after this.

* * *

“Madame.” Jigen was rubbing a towel in his hair. “Come on Marie, I know your wig is waterproof.”

“Hmph!”

Jigen shrugged and pulled out a cigarette from one of the baskets. “What’s the point of going to the beach if you’re not going to get in the water?”

Lupin kept his back turned to Jigen with his arms crossed under his chest. It was one thing to splash him or shoot him with a water gun, but slam dunking him into the ocean like that was beyond rude. Lupin wanted him to seep in guilt until Jigen begged for forgiveness, or until he agreed to do whatever the thief wanted. Both were appealing conclusions. Jigen’s chin dropped onto his shoulder and a cigarette was placed between his lips.

“Je suis désolé, Mademoiselle Marie.”

“Using French is cheating.”

Jigen’s hands slid around Lupin’s waist pulling him into his lap. “Excusez-moi.”

His pronunciation was atrocious, but Jigen’s gruff voice made him feel all sorts of things in other languages. He couldn’t let this slide. He had to dig his feet in. Lupin was strong. He was infallible. But then Jigen was kissing along the line of his shoulder saying “Marie” in that teasing voice with each touch of his lips and Lupin was weak. _He was so so so weak_. At least Jigen didn’t whip out the Italian though. Lupin hated it when he spoke Italian.

“Parle-moi français, monsieur Jigen.” Lupin leaned back into Jigen’s chest.

“Uhh, shit, uh…Alouette, gentille alouette.”

“Nevermind, stop.”

“I didn’t want to ask you were the nearest hotel was.”

Lupin turned in Jigen’s lap and flicked his hat back. “I’m surprised your copycat hasn’t come back, but I did buy this portion of the beach while I was drying off.”

“Why?”

“Privacy,” He tossed the cigarette aside to kiss Jigen’s lips.

Lupin was going to go further, but the faint sound of a commotion grew louder and louder caused him to pull away. Curious, he poked his head between a small gap in the umbrellas and Jigen’s soon followed suit. With their cheeks squished together, they saw an army of cars driving down towards the pier. A beautiful woman sat on one of the trucks with a speakerphone.

“COME ONE, COME ALL TO SEE THE WORLD’S ONLY TRAVELLING GUN SHOW. WE HAVE GUNS FROM EVERY YEAR, EVERY MAKER, EVERY CORNER OF THE COUNTRY AND MORE. VINTAGE GUN OWNERS GET IN FREE.” She repeated the message as they travelled further towards the commerce area.

“Pops sure is getting desperate.” Jigen let himself fall out of the tiny space.

“I think that’s for you to get away from me again.”

“Should I?”

Lupin closed the gap and sat back on his haunches. He scratched his cheek as he thought about what to do. Zenigata wasn’t going to go away until he got what he wanted, or he was forced off. The copycat Jigen was a petty officer who probably didn’t want to be anywhere near Lupin after his performance. Not to mention, this was ruining his beach date. He was supposed to be getting laid by now. A crab crawled across their cooler lid, and Lupin got an idea.

“Let’s both check out the gun show.” Lupin grabbed the pool floatie and took off his bikini top.

“Huh?”

Getting things off the ground would definitely be more art than science, but with a little finesse, Lupin knew he could pull this off.

* * *

Lupin was alone when “Jigen” came back. “Jiggy!”

Jigen’s adam’s apple bobbed. He couldn’t mess this up or Zenigata would have his head on a platter. “Marie. I was thinking we could go to the gun show. Maybe we could find some stuff for our next heist.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” He stood up and wrapped an arm around Jigens’. “Let’s go! After we see everything we can head back to our love nest and you know~.”

“Y-yeah, of course.”

Wow.

That actually worked.

The two walked all the way to the pier in blessed silence. Almost there. Almost. He just had to get Lupin off of private property and everything else would fall into place. His heart raced in his chest as the tents and buildings grew closer. A part of him wanted to run, but he couldn’t blow his cover. As soon as Lupin’s sandaled foot hit the pavement, a pair of handcuffs flew through the air and clipped around his wrists.

It was over.

“HA! I’ve got you now Lupin!” Zenigata hopped out of the bushes.

Several dozen cops appeared next and surrounded the pair, but Lupin was pulled away towards the police car. “Jigen!”

Jigen pulled his mask off revealing the face of a very tired officer with a buzzcut. “Sorry, not Jigen. Have fun in jail.”

He couldn’t read his expression, but he watched Lupin’s body go limp in defeat. The officers had to literally drag him into the back of the police car.

“Ha. I’ve never seen Lupin look like that before. Good work, Officer Darren. You’ll be sure to get three ranks for your help in apprehending him.” Zenigata gave him a few hard pats on the back. “Come on boys. Load up. It’s a two hour drive to the station, and Lupin is tricky! I want this truck surrounded at all times. No blunders. No detours.” Zenigata continued to bark orders as he hopped into the front seat of the transport car.

* * *

Jigen lifted the tarp up. “The coast clear?”

“I hear sirens, so they’re driving off now.” Lupin pulled himself out of the hole they had dug. “I wonder what Pops will say when he finds out he arrested a couple of sandbags with a voice recorder?”

“Who knows.” They were quiet until Jigen poked one of Lupin’s breasts. “How do you get them like this? They feel real.”

“Gelatin, but are you going to get me a new swimsuit? I made a grave sacrifice to save our asses.”

“I don’t know. I think I like you in the bottoms by themselves.”

Lupin covered his chest with his arms. “Oh _now_ you’re horny. Well, maybe I don’t feel like having beach sex anymore.”

“Mi scusi.”

Lupin gasped, “Italian.”

“Può parlare lentamente?” Jigen smiled and placed a hand on the small of Lupin’s back. “Per favore.”

“Fine, do whatever you want to me! You win!” Lupin wrapped his arms around Jigen’s shoulders. He _hated_ it when Jigen spoke Italian.


End file.
